We’re back from our annual employee trip to the depths of the Baltic Sea, and we here at Mystic are thrilled to announce the release of a beer nearly lost to history entirely (and intentionally). The recipe, found etched into a stone tablet and buried under nearly forty feet of skeletons, describes a style of ale once brewed by the denizens of the sunken city where it was discovered. According to the strange, runic etchings on the stone, this style of ale’s name was once legally forbidden to be written or spoken aloud. The reason for this is still unknown, as is the reason why all walls in the sunken city are seemingly made of petrified screaming faces, not human yet still troublingly familiar.
This beer was one of our most challenging brews yet. The recipe called for many ingredients not commonly found in beer, so we spent the better part of the year searching the world for things like “the black blood of the Slumbering Ones” and “nether-hops”. It wasn’t easy, but thanks to eBay and an expedition into Antarctica from which few returned, we were finally ready to begin.
Things were complicated slightly when we found that our electrical equipment stopped working in the presence of the stone tablet. Interestingly enough, radios still seemed to work, but only in that disembodied screams echoed from their speakers until they eventually caught fire. Luckily for us, a group of hooded figures appeared at our door unannounced and graciously agreed to take the tablet off our hands. At first we were worried about getting rid of the only original copy of the recipe. Fortunately, after several nights of horrifying dreams in which reptilian figures carved the directions into our flesh, we realized we would be able to move forward anyway.
After a challenging fermentation (the recipe called for yeast only found on the bones of obsidian skeletons incased in glass ziggurats deep in the Amazon), this ancient ale was ready to be released! There was some misgiving at this point, as the final line on the tablet implored the reader to “hide the dread liquid from the tongues of man lest ye awaken the Slumbering Ones”. After a brief debate, three days we can’t remember, and the sudden, mysterious disappearance of all employees who voted against the release, it was settled.
We’ve tasted it, and we have to admit that this beer may be an acquired taste for some. A malty backbone gives way to flavors of blood, burning sulphur, blood, tears, blood, blood, soil, blood, and the distant memory of screams receding into the fog. We’re giving this one a wide release, so keep an eye out for it on draft, in 375ml bottles, and seeping from the walls of your childhood home. We’d announce the name but typing it causes birds to fall dead from the sky in a mile radius of our brewery.
Don’t worry though, you’ll know it when you see it.
You’ve always known it.